For the Love of The Game...

"You may say I'm a dreamer..."

Hey y'all,

I would like to apologize for not consistently writing on this blog lately, as you can tell from my greeting above, I just got back from Alabama where I was looking at the University of Alabama this weekend with my mom. 

I wasn't sure what to expect going into it, honestly. I guess a lot of trailer parks, white trash, in bred families, basically the part from Harold and Kumar: Escape From Guantanamo Bay where they end up in Alabama and the redneck guy kills a dear, invites them over, and it turns out he's hiding his inbred baby that he had with his sister in the basement of the house. As hilarious as that scene was, I never experienced true hardcore redneckism quite like that when I was down there. 

First of all, one of the reasons I want to go South is for the weather. For the most part it was nice out the whole duration I was there, it got a bit chilly at times but of course it was much warmer than Massachusetts. 

Another reason I want to go South... Southern Hospitality. It's bizarre to us Mass-holes that people can actually be nice to one another, and act polite and friendly. From the time I landed in Atlanta, the whole atmosphere changed; people were like "Yes sir" or "Yes Ma'am" or "How are you today sir?". I love it. There are still good people in this world. The best was in Atlanta between our flight to Birmingham I went to Chick Fill-a to get a sandwich. I got in line and there's this nice African American lady standing in front of the fridge full of drinks enthusiastically asking people if they would like a drink, it was awesome. See I'm more of a friendly guy myself, I like to be polite and treat others with respect. That's one of the reasons I love the South, the majority of people are just respectful, polite, caring people, which is really something that's rare up in these parts. 

Anyways, so fast forward two days from me getting that Coke to the University Day at Bama. Of course they bring us to the football stadium to have lunch, just to impress us. What you have to understand is that football is literally the religion at the University of Alabama. They live, breath and die with Bama football. Every time they talk down there, they start off or end whatever they say with a "Roll Tide!". Football is the alpha and the omega, the yin and the yang, the cats pajamas, the bee's knee's... you get my point. It may seem a little ridiculous to some people, but I was looking for school spirit when I was looking at colleges. Sports, most of all football, is a huge part of my life and I want every one to share that enthusiasm. Well, it is safe to say the enthusiasm for football is extremely high at Alabama, and this did factor into my decision for college.

After walking up six flights of stairs, they brought us all to this massive room that was more like a conference center in Bryant Denny Stadium with glass windows all across the room that overlooked the football field in the north end zone of the stadium, a place called "The Zone", predictably. While we were eating our lunches, and my mom talked and talked with some strangers, I sat there mesmerized by the football field. 

I remember in seventh grade I had a writing assignment to write a short essay about my goal for the future. I have no idea where that actual paper went, or if I even salvaged a copy, but I still remember the general basis of what I said. I remember saying my goal was to play college football at the University of Florida (I had just visited the stadium, they were winning, so I liked them at the time don't hold it against me). I can remember writing about 100,000 screaming fans going crazy, running out onto the field from the tunnel, hearing the marching band, and playing football. Pretty sure I wrote that piece after a game which I recorded 10 tackles and an interception in one of my AJFL games (I'm kind of a big deal) so my confidence was pretty high at the time. That being said, I did make a goal that I wanted to play college football. So back to me staring at the field... 

In that moment, I realized how much I loved football. Not just watching it on TV or in the stands, but actually going to battle, putting on the uniform, and playing football.

Overall, my football career was up and down. In 7th grade I was pretty good, in 8th grade I sucked for the most part, freshman year I was awful, I went to preseason sophomore year and quit after five days... which to this day is the worst mistake I've made in my life, and I've made quite a few. I decided to come back and play football for my junior year. That junior season was probably my best season of my life, I stepped in for our injured captain at outside linebacker and got some pretty good time there, along with being the back up tight end to a post grad and getting some reps there. I scored my first ever touchdown that year (I was a lineman my whole career before, cut me some slack) and I was probably going to be starting both ways if I was at Tilton this season... but hey, shit happens. 

So here I am, senior season at North Andover High. New team, new system, new problems. Most of my time and energy was spent on work or reapplying to Tilton in the summer, so I came into the season out of shape. My first practice was a nightmare, for me at least. I couldn't do shit, and I hate not being able to do shit. I didn't know who anybody was, I had no friends and no idea what the plays were. I was on the verge of just leaving the team after a couple practices. Even throughout the year there were times when I wanted to just quit for good, and be done with football. I didn't get a single meaningful snap on varsity this year, which to my standards is just disappointing. I'm a perfectionist, and I'm very hard on myself which is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing in that it helps me to improve myself and reach my potential, a curse in that if I'm not the best at something or I'm not succeeding at whatever it is, I'll just say "Fuck it" and quit. I really wanted to help make an impact for the team, I felt I was capable of doing just that, but as the season went on I realized I wasn't going to play on friday night. Although it was frustrating I knew I needed to stay positive and not give up. Each day I thank myself and God that I had the power within myself to stick with it this year because even though I didn't get much time, I had a great experience, met some great people, and had some fun along the way. 

With all that being said, I'm not satisfied with my football career being over with right now. It's kind of a cliche that every high school player says this after their senior season is over, but my case is somewhat different. Most players get four years with the same coach, same school and same system. Me... I didn't play sophomore year, got the boot from my old school after my junior year so I had to join a new team and play catch up with the team, both physically and in terms of knowing the plays. Honestly, I'm having difficulty coming to grips with the fact that I'll never play football again. I feel I could've been a pretty good player had I just played all four years of high school in one system, be it at Tilton or at North Andover High. 

Now I'm looking onto the field at Bryant Denny Stadium, visualizing 100,000 crazy fans, the marching band playing, the Crimson Tide football team comes storming out the tunnel... and there I am, number 85 on my helmet. I go out on kickoff coverage and make a tackle at the 23 yard line, I get up, pound my chest and point to the sky for my dad. Then after a 3 and out by Auburn, we line up on offense and there I am at tight end... flanked left, the QB motions me in with a leg raise... crack block on the d end, Boom, off to the races for TJ Yeldon. Touchdown Bama! 

Then I woke up...

The whole point of this is that first and foremost, I love football. Secondly, I have dreams. Not just the dreams where you wake up at the end, but the dreams that stem from goals set long ago by a little 14 year old kid at Doherty Middle School who didn't know the reality of how difficult it is to play division one football. Football is more than a sport to me, it's a way of life. In my darkest times in my life, it's kept me out of trouble, got me through the death of my dad, and also blessed me some amazing experiences and friendships along the way. Now for the real shocker, I'm still debating whether I should try and walk on to the Alabama football team and try to pull some kind of "Rudy" story. I've been taught to never give up on your goals, no matter how ridiculous or impossible they may. So right now, I'm setting a goal for myself to get onto the football team at the University of Alabama. I want to do this for myself, to prove that I can do it, and also, for my dad, because he never, ever gave up in his life, and neither should I. If my dad could beat testicular cancer at the age of 18, survive four heart attacks, and battle death for so many years... Why can't I make a football team? (that happens to be the best in the nation and has NFL talent everywhere, but who said it would be easy?)

Where there's a will, there's a way. Through hard work, anything is possible. If I come up short, so be it, because I will know in my heart that I tried my hardest and worked for something... that is the ultimate satisfaction.

Thanks for Reading, God Bless, and Roll Tide

-RB